Sunday, March 31, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
i can't stop listening/watching to this
One of the things I took home with me from the recent Japan trip was a deep deep love for J-pop. In particular, for KyaryPamyuPamyu (singer of this song)!! Her videos are classic Japanese crazy, and just..too fantastic for words! (Hint: don't take this video seriously, it's supposed to be silly and funny)
if you don't think she is adorable then you have no soul
Monday, March 18, 2013
Me: An Update
I feel the need to get some thoughts off my chest. Nothing earth shattering, but having a place to vent where maybe a few people will read it..or won't..always feels good. Public statements feel good to me. I'll number my topics, for my own organization, not because I'm making an actual list.
1. I'm a much better person than I give myself credit for
Seriously, I am. And yes, it's a somewhat selfish statement, but you know what, I think a little bit of selfishness and pride is ok. Having self-pride is what keeps us all from caving into depression and self loathing, and until recently I've struggled immensely with that.
Here's a list of things people have actually spoken to me and/or said about me:
- You should just go kill yourself.
- The world would be better if you died.
- You're only good for being a bitch to people.
- Your plane should have crashed on the way back from Japan.
- You should go back to Japan, no one here cares about you.
Isn't that a nice list. And that's just what I can think off the top of my head. I've been hearing that, and similar, since around 6th grade, and was bullied in other ways since kindergarten. So I've come to this conclusion, I deserve to feel prideful for a little while. Now I'm not overly prideful by any means, I'm well aware of my short comings, but it's nice to like myself for a change. And it's only been recently that I've been having a flood of positive things said to me.
Here's a list of things people have said to me in the past few months:
- You're outgoing.
- You're one of the most understanding and considerate people I've ever met.
- You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.
- You're wise beyond your years.
- Your self-awareness is inspiring.
- You are strong.
- I'm proud of you.
I never knew how much I craved kind words from others. Of course, my family has always told me positive things, but it means something a little different when people who have no vested interest in your mental well being tell you positive things like that. So yea, I've been feeling pretty awesome about myself lately, and I like it!
2. I don't know what to do with my life
This isn't a good or bad thing really. I'm just stuck in what I want to do, and I'm not pressuring myself too much to figure that out by tonight. My trip to Japan certainly validated my desire to move there and teach for a year or two, but that won't happen for a little while longer due to the long interview process. And at the same time, my dream of being married and happy isn't happening right away either, and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. There are a LOT of things up in the air for me currently, and at times it's overwhelming, but I'm making sure to give myself room to think.
3. I taught myself hiragana!!
As a part of 'self-care' during my assault training I decided to learn hiragana, one of the Japanese writing systems. I'm not fast at it yet, but I've mastered all the strokes and am almost perfect at recognizing characters! To me that's an awesome accomplishment...just need to learn the language now. It's similar to learning the alphabet but having no idea what words are or what they mean. Still, it's a start!!
4. I completed sexual assault training
It took 40 hrs of tough learning, but I completed training. However, I decided to drop out of advocacy during the last day of training, so I am still unsure if that will impact my ability to be a prevention educator. The volunteer position would have involved being an advocate for survivors of sexual assault in the hospital emergency departments, and as I found during our in-class role play, I am not ready for that.
I've come a long way in my own healing, and just being driven to try and do that type of work shows how ready I felt. But, it isn't for me right now. It was an exhausting and draining week. I redefined many experiences in my life that I had never classified as certain things. That combined with how triggering things are led me to choose to withdraw from advocacy.
Fortunately the directors and other volunteers were incredibly supportive of that decision. They all knew how difficult this job can be for anyone, let alone someone who has been through such experiences. I learned a lot..many things I didn't really imagine..and I feel that I can better help friends who have come to me privately about their own pasts and experiences. Being on the front lines just isn't for me yet.
And as for the information that we learned...let me just say this. Ignorance truly is bliss.
5. I'm addicted to Supernatural
and I'm ok with that. It's perfect. The. End.
6. I haven't been to knitting club in over a month
I chose to go to a church-wide Bible study on those nights and I'm torn as to how I feel about it. The Bible study was great, but at the same time I'm really feeling the effects of being removed from everyone. It would have been nice to have both, but I guess it's situations like this when you have to pick what's the absolute most important to you...and as important as those girls are, I know that learning more about God and how to be a follower is more important to me. Good news is the study is over, so this week it's club time!!!
1. I'm a much better person than I give myself credit for
Seriously, I am. And yes, it's a somewhat selfish statement, but you know what, I think a little bit of selfishness and pride is ok. Having self-pride is what keeps us all from caving into depression and self loathing, and until recently I've struggled immensely with that.
Here's a list of things people have actually spoken to me and/or said about me:
- You should just go kill yourself.
- The world would be better if you died.
- You're only good for being a bitch to people.
- Your plane should have crashed on the way back from Japan.
- You should go back to Japan, no one here cares about you.
Isn't that a nice list. And that's just what I can think off the top of my head. I've been hearing that, and similar, since around 6th grade, and was bullied in other ways since kindergarten. So I've come to this conclusion, I deserve to feel prideful for a little while. Now I'm not overly prideful by any means, I'm well aware of my short comings, but it's nice to like myself for a change. And it's only been recently that I've been having a flood of positive things said to me.
Here's a list of things people have said to me in the past few months:
- You're outgoing.
- You're one of the most understanding and considerate people I've ever met.
- You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.
- You're wise beyond your years.
- Your self-awareness is inspiring.
- You are strong.
- I'm proud of you.
I never knew how much I craved kind words from others. Of course, my family has always told me positive things, but it means something a little different when people who have no vested interest in your mental well being tell you positive things like that. So yea, I've been feeling pretty awesome about myself lately, and I like it!
2. I don't know what to do with my life
This isn't a good or bad thing really. I'm just stuck in what I want to do, and I'm not pressuring myself too much to figure that out by tonight. My trip to Japan certainly validated my desire to move there and teach for a year or two, but that won't happen for a little while longer due to the long interview process. And at the same time, my dream of being married and happy isn't happening right away either, and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. There are a LOT of things up in the air for me currently, and at times it's overwhelming, but I'm making sure to give myself room to think.
3. I taught myself hiragana!!
As a part of 'self-care' during my assault training I decided to learn hiragana, one of the Japanese writing systems. I'm not fast at it yet, but I've mastered all the strokes and am almost perfect at recognizing characters! To me that's an awesome accomplishment...just need to learn the language now. It's similar to learning the alphabet but having no idea what words are or what they mean. Still, it's a start!!
4. I completed sexual assault training
It took 40 hrs of tough learning, but I completed training. However, I decided to drop out of advocacy during the last day of training, so I am still unsure if that will impact my ability to be a prevention educator. The volunteer position would have involved being an advocate for survivors of sexual assault in the hospital emergency departments, and as I found during our in-class role play, I am not ready for that.
I've come a long way in my own healing, and just being driven to try and do that type of work shows how ready I felt. But, it isn't for me right now. It was an exhausting and draining week. I redefined many experiences in my life that I had never classified as certain things. That combined with how triggering things are led me to choose to withdraw from advocacy.
Fortunately the directors and other volunteers were incredibly supportive of that decision. They all knew how difficult this job can be for anyone, let alone someone who has been through such experiences. I learned a lot..many things I didn't really imagine..and I feel that I can better help friends who have come to me privately about their own pasts and experiences. Being on the front lines just isn't for me yet.
And as for the information that we learned...let me just say this. Ignorance truly is bliss.
5. I'm addicted to Supernatural
and I'm ok with that. It's perfect. The. End.
6. I haven't been to knitting club in over a month
I chose to go to a church-wide Bible study on those nights and I'm torn as to how I feel about it. The Bible study was great, but at the same time I'm really feeling the effects of being removed from everyone. It would have been nice to have both, but I guess it's situations like this when you have to pick what's the absolute most important to you...and as important as those girls are, I know that learning more about God and how to be a follower is more important to me. Good news is the study is over, so this week it's club time!!!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Things that surprised me about japan
1. Everything is detailed
Attention to detail is something that us westerners tend to take for granted. In Japan it is expected. As a first-timer to Japan, I was struck by how everything I saw was beautiful. Even the manhole covers had designs!!
Attention to detail is something that us westerners tend to take for granted. In Japan it is expected. As a first-timer to Japan, I was struck by how everything I saw was beautiful. Even the manhole covers had designs!!
Tokyo Manhold Cover
I mean really! Everywhere you looked there were gorgeous flower arrangements, beautiful architecture on every building and seemingly nothing was left out of an overall plan. And if I thought that the urban landscape was beautiful, it did not even compare to the natural beauty of gardens! In the west, we tend to ignore gardens during the 'dead' seasons of late fall and winter. But in Japan, every season has a beauty, and that is reflected in the way that the gardens are tended. It was incredible.
Packaging for every single thing was well thought out, and perfectly fit the product and market that it was intended for. Food from every level of dining was wonderfully presented and delicious. Everything. Was. Perfect. Or at least, I thought it was!
2. People care about you, or at least are good at faking it
Early one morning when leaving Kanazawa we were standing in the train station doing a bit of last minute errand running, when the manager from the hotel we had just checked out of came running into the station frantically looking for us. He had a pair of jeans that one of the members of our tour had accidentally left in their room. And he had been prepared to go onto the platform to look for us to return them.
In the west, that wouldn't happen. If you are lucky maybe they will call and let you know that they found them. Typically not. But in Japan, people genuinely care about doing the best they can...or are very good at faking that they feel that way.
On more than just that occasion I was struck by people's willingness to try and do the best that they could at all times. During both of my solo train rides to and from the airport I had random people stop and make sure that I knew where I was going (I'm white, so clearly was a foreigner).
I desperately appreciated the attitude that Japan has towards others. And I'm certainly not saying that they are the only people who act that way. However, in general I notice that us here in the west don't do our best at all times, we let our emotions come through into our work, and generally don't try to fake happy when we have customer service jobs. I appreciated that other people in the world are trying to do their best..it's a lesson I think we could all learn from Japan.
3. Karaoke is tons of fun
I don't sing in front of other people. The steering wheel of my car is the only one to ever hear me belt out random songs. In Japan, that changed a little....
Karaoke is SO much fun, seriously! And before that trip I was definitely the person who would be the strongest against going, but now I can't wait to find people here at home to get a group together and go. Can't sing? Doesn't matter, no one is judging you, and chances are they're singing along too. Know every word to Disney songs? Perfect, cause everyone else does too and can't wait to join in!!
If you ever get the chance to go karaoke-ing, do it! You won't regret!!
4. It's every bit as weird as you think; and they think it's weird too
We all know that Japan is a little weird..ok more than a little. They have an obsession with robots, maids, and all things over-the-top. But you know what, they think it's weird too! Want to go to a dinner theater where girls on robot legs battle dinosaurs? Yea they have it. Coffee cafe that has living cats wandering around to be petted? Yep, have that too. A massive modern museum dedicated in cult-like fashion to instant ramen? O yes, it's real...
...and it's wonderful
I love quirky weird things, and Japan does not disappoint. They like it too! We tailed our tour leader to lunch one day to a restaurant that was French Noir themed, only served curry, had 'eye of the tiger' playing, and had tom & jerry going on black and white tvs. Made no sense, but was awesome!
Just turn on todays best J-pop music videos and they've got weird down to a science. Golden Bomber features their drummer in kabuki make-up, KyaryPamyuPamyu is all kinds of 5 yr old cute but is actually 20, and AKB48 is...well...just go watch for yourself. Japan doesn't take itself too seriously with these kinds of things, and that lends itself to some awesomely crazy stuff!
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