Hello Anxiety; Hello America

I am back in Ohio.

I've been home for about 4 days now.  I left Japan on Saturday and arrived the same day in the evening (yay time zones).  So far I have been resting and getting settled.  It was a very sudden departure, and I'm sure it deserves to have some explanation.

The two months that I spent in Japan were amazing.  I was loving work, everyone I met was kind and welcoming, I was making some great friends.  But I wasn't healthy and there was so much stress.  However, that in and of itself wasn't enough for me to leave.  I was determined to stay and kept trying to make plans to get healthier or to reduce the stressors I had.

To make a long story short, there was one instance that essentially was the final straw.  While out with friends from work we joined up with a random group of other foreigners for some karaoke and fun.  Things were going alright, but one guy in the group became very interested in me and refused to take any hints.  I laughed it off and tried to be nice but put my attention only on my friends I was with.  When I left to go to the bathroom he apparently followed me and waited.  He grabbed me and when I had no interest in whatever he was attempting to do he became very angry and violent.  I managed to get away, but to say the least I was shaken.  Anyone who knows me or has read my blog knows about my past history with assault, severe PTSD, and how deeply that affected me.  All of the hard work I had done crashed down, and I was left a mess of anxiety.  Alone.  In a foreign country.  I spent the next few days getting sick from random irrational fear, crying, and generally falling apart.

In the past I have attempted to just shove down my feelings and push on through anxiety, but that always ends up doubling the issue in the end when I can't handle it anymore.  This time I chose to be completely honest with myself, my parents, and my closest friends about this.  The decision was made that I needed to leave and come home to recover, and we were fortunate enough that everything worked out perfectly for me to leave the next day.

I've begun to feel a bit more settled, being home is always the best comfort.  And I will truly miss Japan.  I was so disappointed that my time there came to such an abrupt and horrible end.  However, I need to look after my own well-being before anything else.  I don't regret leaving, and I doubt I ever will, it was a difficult choice that needed to be made.

Now all that's left is to decide what to do now...